By Loreen Berlin
Two Amerasian sisters have finally been reunited after 44 years.
Amidst the chaos of the war in Vietnam and the Fall of Saigon in 1975, sisters Rose, 2 and Berni, 4, were about to be evacuated by the Americans with their South Vietnamese mother from Vietnam, when Rose got separated at the airport from her mother and sister.
A difficult decision had to be made by their mother: stay and find Rose or leave with Berni and connect with their American military father in America.
In a “Ted Talk” on television, Berni Slowey, by then a mother herself, a businesswoman and a documentary film producer in Denver, told the sad story of a sister left behind in Vietnam and more recently, a Denver, Colo. TV station told the story of the two sisters’ reunion and even more recently, their reunion-video aired during a gathering at the Diamond Seafood Restaurant in Westminster hosted by “Amerasian & Beyond Helping Hands” organizing committee member Cindy Bui and attended by Westminster School Board member Frances Nguyen.
“At the time, there were rumors that women who had Amerasian babies would be tortured by the North Vietnamese Vietcong entering Saigon,” Slowey shared in the video interview. ” It was a choice for my mother, ‘Do I escape with my one daughter and meet up with the father or stay behind.’ Time was running out. I thought I would never see my sister again.”
The mother and daughters were eligible to be airlifted out of Saigon before it was overrun by the North Vietnamese.
Rose was found wandering the streets of Vietnam and adopted by a Vietnamese woman who raised her as her own, calling her Vannessa, and never telling her about the adoption.
They too emigrated to America when Rose Pham was 11-years old, moving to Dallas, Texas and then to the West Coast and Orange County.
Years later, Rose’s adopted mother revealed the adoption and Rose entered her DNA into a simple database, costing $99, which came back that she had a full-sister in Denver, plus a half brother, grandfather, grandson, uncle and nephew there as well.
Unfortunately, the two girls’ natural mother had passed away seven years before their meeting.
“I think our mother died of a broken heart because she couldn’t find Rose; it left a hole in her heart,” said Slowey. The good news is that the sisters were able to spend a weekend visiting, talking and sharing memories and planned a trip back to Vietnam together this year.
Since she has found out that her name in Vietnam was Rose, she now calls herself Vannessa Rose.
Between the Ted Talk and the TV video, the story further unfolds.
“I can’t even imagine making that choice,” said Slowey. ”I have two sons, and I can’t imagine being in the position my mother was in.”
Berni and her mother settled in Grand Island, Neb., later moving to Littleton, Colo. Her mother and father had three other children who were born in the United States, but according to Slowey, they never spoke of the sister who had been left behind in Saigon.
Slowey married, had two sons and in 1995 traveled back to Vietnam with her mother to look for her sister. She shared that her mother carried guilt and shame for having to leave her youngest daughter behind.
“One of the last things my mother told me was that she always wished she could find Rose to bring her here, and so I know she really wanted a reunion, and I know it haunted her for the rest of her years,” said Slowey.
The story reveals that as Vannessa was growing up, her adopted siblings made comments about her not really being part of the family and she said she knew she looked different from them, too.
“It just grew more suspicious,” said Vannessa. In 2018 is when her adoptive mother finally told her the whole story about how she had found her wandering the streets of Saigon and adopted her.
“I remember crying so much, but it was a relief and my first thought was that I needed to find my own family; find my mom, because she might be looking for me,” said Vannessa, saying that she didn’t hold out much hope of reconnecting with her own family.
Then, Vannessa married and with three grown children, saw a television commercial for a DNA company and decided to try it, to see if she could connect with her lost family.
“I’ll order that,” she continued, saying that in a matter of days, the database said she had relatives in Colorado who had also submitted DNA to the database.
“It just made me feel so happy… this is confirmation,” said Vannessa. The DNA testing showed they were full sisters and within days, the two sisters were talking on the telephone, comparing what they recalled of Vietnam and their separation.
Flying from Orange County to Denver, the two sisters sat side-by-side for a long-awaited visit.
“I don’t know how long you have been searching,” Berni said to Rose, ”but for me it’s been a very long time. It’s surreal that you are here sitting next to me.”
The two sisters are now in touch and have planned to return to Vietnam together to see where they were born, where they lost each other, and talk about how it all happened.
The girl’s father has remarried and lives in Dallas. Vannessa has spoken with him and hopes to meet him, but realizes he is still processing the recent news.
